So here's a major update on what's been happening with me, for anyone who reads this. Let's begin, shall we?
In as few sentences as possible, I've shifted church after five years, I'm in college, and there's actually plenty more to write, but I told my FEDS that I'm typing out a new entry so they'll probably read it. Therefore, I shall limit any personal misgivings to my Diary. Suffice it to say, college work would be easier if I did it myself. You can read as much into that as you want.
The church shifting I'm okay-ish with. I mean moving on? I'm used to that. Getting settled is the uncomfortable part. It'll take awhile and I'll probably miss everyone in the old church, but eventually I'll settle in.
There's actually tonnes of stuff going on in my life apparently, and by saying this I'm setting myself up for a grilling from my dad, which will consist of the words, "What stuff?" repeated over and over again, and depending on what mood he's in, maybe in a few profanities. But anyway, back on topic. I would love to turn this into a rant and rave spot for all my feelings, frustrations, angst, and emo, but then, this Blog isn't exactly parent-proof so big NO stamped on that.
Other than that I'm free to write anything I want, poems, anything but rantings and ravings. Wow, that sounds so unbelievably lame. Not being able to rant and rave on your own Blog without getting into trouble? Yeah, lame, lame, LAME.
Not that I mind that much, I get into trouble lots. And I can take it most of the time, but it builds up, you know? Really, if you only knew all the things I WANT to say when I'm being roasted but don't you'd probably award me a medal. Heh. I would. But I mean, sometimes I get grilled over the stupidest things. Like a maths question I can't do, which is "SO SIMPLE" and then when they try to do it...I rest my case.
Now, onto another topic. I've been taught almost all my life to be obedient, and not to be cynical. Cynical, I can't help, it's an armor, you need cynicism in this world today. I'm serious. But the being obedient, sheesh, the people who taught you to be obedient can GRILL, ROAST, and BURN you to a crisp for doing it? I mean, you do EXACTLY what your lecturer tells you, and because HE told you something that's wrong, YOU get killed for it. Where's the fairness in that?
Now of course, we're on the whole new topic of fairness. We ALL know the world isn't fair, and all that. But there are some places where it should be MORE fair than other's right? Like in your OWN HOME for instance? Serious. But then, that's ranting isn't it? Not allow to do that, bad me.
Come on man, sometimes I just wanna CRY, but then, crying alone is so pathetic, right? You gotta cry ON someone THAT'S cool, right? Like there are times when a song, or a few words in a book just get to me, and I gotta stop from crying right there and then.
Man, I AM emo. But that's just me. I have a lot to be emo about. But if you're one of those people who looks down on, or despises us emo people, lemme give you a big eye-opener. WE ARE STRONGER THAN YOU. I speak for all emo, angsty, and reclusive people out there. Serious. All you people who go right outside, be all friendly and happy all the time, you think I buy that? Please, you're just putting on a mask thinking you can hide. Wake up! We see right through you.
Now, us emo people, we are emo, we have burdens to bear, okay? And we don't chuck 'em aside and try to hide that we have them. We fight them we carry them! That's why we're stronger than you. Because even though each step with that burden threatens to crush us, we fight harder. And if you think we're NORMALLY emo, you just wait. If we let our guards down, just let out all the pent up frustration, despair, sadness, anger, and pain you'd bloody cover your eyes and run home to mommy. Because INSIDE we hurt WAY more than you could ever imagine. Comprende?
Now Before I go here's some song lyrics that I really love.
Jesus Take The Wheel
By Carrie Underwood
She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It'd been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way to fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was so scared
She threw her hands up in the air
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Oh, Jesus take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me
Oh, why, oh
I love this song. Jesus Take the Wheel. Isn't that we all want? To give up trying to steer our own lives and just let someone who can see the whole road do it? We wouldn't hit all the bumps and potholes then would we? I dunno. That's just what it said to me. You read what you want into it.
I think I'm going to begin updating this Blog more regularly. We'll see how bad the grilling I get for this post is, then we'll make a decision, yeah? I know, rather dumb that I have to think of that before I can decide,
But Hey,
Life's Like That...Sordid? Most definitely
Jared
